Help Me
by nerdyvampgrl97
Summary: What if Clay didn't leave? What if stayed with Hannah? What if he got the chance to help her? Would he even want to help her? Would she even let him? Or would she push him away?
1. Help

**Disclaimer: I do not own 13 reasons why...Jay Asher does.**

Takes place at the party...

* * *

Help Me

Chapter 1

Hannah POV

I put my hands against his chest and pushed him away.

"Stop." I said softly, he stopped.

"Hannah what's wrong?" Clay asked his voice laced with concern.

"Go away." I said sternly, I couldn't do this, I was way too far gone.

"No." Clay said. I looked at him through a curtain of dirty blonde hair.

"Go." I said my eyes stinging with tears that I refused to let fall.

"Hannah, no I'm staying right here." he said putting an arm around me. My vision blurred with tears, he did care.

"Hannah?" he asked slowly. "Please Hannah give me a chance I promise I won't let you down." That wasn't what I was worried about. I was worried of hurting him. "Please…" he whispered. He was fighting so hard just to have me. I lost it. The tears overflowed flowing steadily down my cheeks. I threw myself onto him, soaking his shirt with hot tears. I wrapped my arms around his neck and put my mouth to his ear, I whispered

_**"Help…"**_


	2. The Air

**Sadly nerdyvampgrl1297 does not own 13 reasons why :(**

* * *

Chapter 2

Hannah POV

I was still crying. I told him everything. Everything that had happened. Everything that had gone wrong. Everything that had made me feel like I just couldn't do it anymore. Now Clay just held me occasionally whispering "It's okay, it will all be fine." or "I'm here for you." he was so sweet and caring. I wasn't good enough for him but when I told him that he said something that me feel so loved and so good about myself that my heart beat out of my chest. "You are the only girl for me, Your perfect."

After almost an hour, my tears had stopped. I just looked at Clay.

"I'm…I'm sorry. I whispered my voice faint. He smiled.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." I tried to smile but I couldn't. Clay saw my frustration and asked: "What's wrong." he didn't say it like 'what's wrong with you now!" he said it sweetly like he meant every word.

"I can't smile." I said frustrated and slightly embarrassed.

"Yes, you can." I shook my head pouting. Then he leaned down and kissed my nose gently. It worked I smiled and blushed. "Ha! I was right you can smile just fine." I laughed lightly.

Clay got up and walked to the door, opening it. At first I thought he was going to leave me but he opened the door and paused. He turned seeing me still sitting on the bed. He asked "You coming?" my eyes widened.

"I didn't know you wanted me to…" he smiled.

"Well I do so c'mon." I jumped up and grabbed his hand. "Okay." he smiled again.

He lead me through the party. Through the crowded hallways full of drunk stupid fools and through the almost empty garage, outside. "Fresh air smells nice." he said. I looked up at him. I never noticed the smell before but it was pleasant. There were things in life I hadn't noticed and I had a feeling Clay was going to show me them.

* * *

Sorry for the shortness of this chapter and for Hannah's OOC moment.

I didn't know exactly what should happen...so this did?

Like it? Hate it?

Review and tell me!

~nerdyvampgrl


	3. Diner

**Disclaimer: I don't own 13 reasons why**

* * *

~~Chapter 3~~

Hannah POV

We were at a diner. Sitting in a booth. I didn't remember the last time I went to a diner but I liked the cozy feel it had. Clay smiled at nothing in particular, I admired that he was always smiling, a smile that could light up a dark, lonely room. His smile made me smile.

"So what do you want?" he asked snatching me from my thoughts.

"Huh?" I asked lost.

"To eat what do you want?" he said again, showing no sign of annoyance.

"Oh. Well I'm not that hungry." I said. It was true I had eaten before I went to the party.

"Oh…" he said.

"But I'll have a coke." I said. He smiled again.

"You okay?" he asked. I nodded.

As soon as I did a waitress came up. Her brown hair was tied messily into a bun, a few strands fell into her face, and her apron was wrinkled. Her nametag read: Kristen .

"Hello I'm Kristen I'll be serving you today." she said happily. "Do you know what you would like to drink?" she asked.

"Um…" I began but Clay stopped me.

"Two Cokes please." I looked at him surprised by his politeness. He just looked at me his eyes smiling along with his mouth. I smiled slightly but looked down. Kristen came back two cokes on her tray.

"Here you go and here you go." she said proud of herself. I noted the fact she was young. Probably no older than me. She left and Clay sipped his drink then looked at me.

"I want to help you." I looked up at him surprised at his boldness.

"I want your help." I whispered.

"Well, hmm where's your favorite place?"

"The park." I answered quickly. He nodded.

"Well then, I guess that's where we'll start." he said nodding. I furrowed my brows, completely confused. Clay just smiled warmly. I didn't know what he was talking about but it was Clay and I trust him…I think.

* * *

Oh well here's another SUPER short chapter...

And don't worry you'll see Clay's POV soon!

Please REVIEW!

~Me


	4. Reflections

**Disclaimer: I don't own 13 reasons why**

* * *

~~Chapter 4~~

Clay POV

I looked at Hannah. Her dirty blonde hair fell like a thin curtain in front of her face, she was staring intently at the coke. Watching the bubbles rise. Her blue eyes wide. She looked so happy and curious I had no idea why she thought about death. She was so perfect and she always put herself last. She lifted her head her hair covering one eye. I smiled sheepishly, my ears growing red. She looked at me and titled her head to the side.

"What?" I asked innocently embarrassed. Her creamy skin flushed pink.

"I was trying to find out why you were blushing."

"Ohhhh…" I said.

"So why were you?" she asked.

"I thought you caught me staring." I said, embarrassed. She looked oddly confused.

"Staring at what?" I blushed brighter.

"You…" I replied awkwardly. Her eyes widened.

"Me?" she sounded shocked. I nodded, slowly. "What's there to look at?" Did she own a mirror?

"What? I mean uh, Hannah, you're _beautiful_." I said simply. She just shook her head. "You are I wish you would just believe it." Kristen walked over to the table.

"Refills?" she asked.

"Yes…hey uh, would you happen to um...do you have a mirror?" Kristen hesitated then pulled out a compact. I nodded "Thanks." She reluctantly smiled before leaving to get refills. "Here look, tell me what you see." I said handing Hannah the small compact mirror she shrugged then took it her eyes widening like she saw her reflection for the first time.

Hannah POV

She was beautiful. Her skin was a creamy white. Her shiny dirty blond hair flowed gracefully down her shoulders. Her cheeks were flushed a faint pink and her eyes were a deep blue green and they were wide with amazement and curiosity. Her lips were a slightly darker rose, not too dark or too light. Hmmm I thought, they're probably like that from kissing Clay. I handed back the mirror. I never really looked at the mirrior often, always afraid to see...I looked at Clay's eyes wholesome and honest. He smiled at me and said proudly

"Told you so." I laughed.

"Yeah, I guess you did."

Kristen had come back with refills and Clay was just looking at me. His deep brown eyes staring intently at me. I became self conscious and looked down so that my hair fell, protectively covering my face.

"Why?" he asked. I looked up at him.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Why?" he said again.

"Why….what?" I asked.

"Why….How could you think that no one would miss you, that you'd be better off dead." he whispered the last part. I shrugged.

"I'm not sure. Maybe I don't know, I just feel like no one liked me…" I said trying to sound calm.

"I like you." I smiled.

"I know, but I didn't know that before Clay…" he nodded.

"I'm glad."

"What?" I asked softly.

"I'm glad that I built up the courage today, that I finally did what I wanted to do." I smiled again.

"I am too." I whispered, truthfully.

"Hey…" Clay whispered he grabbed my hand and took it gently in his own.

"Let's get outta here." he says. I nod.

* * *

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! :D:D:D:D

Hope you like the chapter PLEASE REVIEW!

Sorry for the shortness!

~Me


	5. 20 questions

**Disclaimer: I don't own 13 reasons why**

* * *

~~Chapter 5~~

Hannah POV

We were at the park. The metal equipment shone under the moonlight.

"Whoa…" I said. He laughed lightly.

"Pretty huh?" he asked I looked up at him his brown eyes glittered in the silver light. I bit my lip and turned away, my face growing in warmth.

"Yeah, I have so many memories here" I muttered, thinking about my first kiss. He smiled and I bit my harder.

"Be careful." he said. I looked up at him, confused. "You'll bust your lip and I won't be able to do this…" he whispered the last part and kissed me gently. I kissed him back. I couldn't help it. He pulled away, smiling. I smiled too and blushed furiously. He chuckled and brushed a cool finger against my cheek. I leaned into his hand. He laughed quietly and pulled his hand back. I pouted. He laughed louder. "I should get you home." he said. I sighed and nodded.

"Okay…" I said, defeated. He takes my hand in his and we walk to my house.

"20 questions?" I ask. He reaches down and grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers.

"Sure why not." he says. I laugh and think for a moment.

"Hmmm favorite color?" I ask, not really knowing any other question.

"Blue." he said.

"Now, same question for you." I thought for a moment.

"Brown, Like chocolate brown." I said. He furrowed his brows.

"Why?" I shrugged.

"Many reasons." I said calmly.

"Like?" he urged. I looked up at him and stopped walking. He grabbed my other hand and intertwined our fingers. We stood there just staring at each other until I finally got the nerve to speak.

"Your eyes, and it's such an honest color." I said slowly. He smiled, and that made me smile too.

"Well thank- you." he said. I bit my lip. Then, with hands still intwined, I got on tip toe and gently brushed my lips against his own.

I hesitantly pulled away. "So, we were walking home…" he smiled blushing like crazy as we continued down the block.


	6. One thing on mind

**Disclaimer: I do not own 13 reasons why...though it'd be amazingly awesomely fantasticly kewl if I did.**

* * *

~~Chapter 6~~

Clay POV

We made it to her porch.

"Well umm I guess I'll see you tomorrow…" I said awkwardly, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand.

"Um yeah…I guess…" she said softly, crossing her ankles.

I leaned down and kissed her softly. I pulled away quicker than I would've liked.

"Goodnight, Hannah…" I whispered.

She smiled and bit her lip "Yeah, Goodnight, Clay…" she said softly, before opening the door and walking in.

I sighed and smiled. "God, I love her…" I whispered to nobody in particular as I walked home.

Hannah POV

I smiled. CLAY LIKES ME!!! I yelled in my head. Somebody likes me. I smiled wider, my _secret_fantasy has FINALLY become a reality. I bit my lip to keep from squealing. I don't remember the last time I was _this_ happy. I looked around the house it was dark and quiet. I sighed then I walked up the stairs as quietly as I could, but still my mother found me. I gnawed my lip as she glared.

"Hannah Christine Baker where the hell have you been!?" she yelled.

I looked down. "I was out." I mumbled.

She glared at me. "I'm sorry." I whispered meeting her angry gaze.

"I don't want 'I'm sorry' s Hannah." she said sternly.

"I'm-" I began. "Mommy…" I said.

"Don't give me that crap Hannah. Tell Me Where you were."

I sighed. "At a party." I whispered.

She shook her head. "Was there drinking?" she asked.

I nodded. "But I didn't drink."

She sighed. "I saw you with someone when you got home…" she said.

"It was my friend, his name's Clay." I said.

She nodded. "Okay. You're not in trouble. But I swear to God Hannah if you ever do that type of thing again, you will be grounded for 2 months." I smiled and nodded.

"Thanks Momma. Goodnight." I said. She just nodded "Night Hannah." she said nonchalantly.

I walked into my room, took off my shoes and changed into blue pajama shorts and a light green v-neck tee shirt. (A/N: I wore that to sleep last night haha!) I looked around my dark room and sighed. I'm 17 and the dark still manages to freak me out. I sighed softly then walked to my bed, pulled the covers around myself then closed my eyes. I drifted off to sleep for the first time in a dreadfully long time. I dreamt and thought of only one thing…Clay Jensen.

* * *

Thanks so much for all the AWESOME reviews!!!

Hope you guys liked the chapter and sorry again for the shortness of it...

I'll try to update as quickly as I can with all the hw and stuff...

Well Enjoy!

Oh and Happy Birthday Marina!!!

(it's my friend went to her AMAZING party yesterday...no matter how old i am i think i will forever love jumpers!!!)

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D


	7. You'll See

**Disclaimer: I do not own Thirteen Reasons Why...but I wish I did :)**

* * *

~~Chapter 7~~

~Next day~

I sat in my room…alone. I wasn't tired, but I did wish to avoid my family. So I just laid in my bed staring blankly at the light blue wall. Then my phone beeped. I grabbed it and squinted at the screen. I didn't recognize the number, but whomever it was sent me a text.

_From:... _

_To: Hannah_

_ Hey Hannah, it's Clay…Jst wantd to c if u wer busy today. R u?_

I stared at the screen for a moment then added him to my contacts and replied.

_To: AAClay _

_Nope I'm not busy…y?_

It was a stupid question but I asked it anyway.

_ From: AAClay_

_ O jst wantd to know if u wantd to uh hang out?_

I smiled and bit my lip.

_To: AAClay_

_Of course! Um where do u want to meet?_

_From: AAClay _

_Umm I'll get u frum ur house…in like idk let's say 10 min_

I jumped up off my bed and quickly replied.

_To: AAClay_

_Okay I'll b ready._

I smiled and ran over to my closet. I looked out my window. It looked warm maybe even hot. I grabbed a pair of black shorts and a low cut light blue tee shirt with a white tank top to go under. I then quickly brushed threw my hair and put on chap stick. I grabbed my black converse and rushed down.

"Hannah!" my mom scolded.

"Yes?" I asked sweetly.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asked sternly.

"Out…with a friend I thought you would be glad to see me go out?" I said quickly hoping she would be okay with it.

She sighed "Fine."

I heard her mutter. I smiled grabbed a jacket and walked out the door. Clay was there already waiting.

"Hey." he said pulling me into a hug.

"Hi Clay!" I say with a smile. He drapes one arm around my shoulders as we walk.

"Oh so um where are we going?" he smiles mischievously.

"You'll See…"

* * *

So here it is!

Hope you liked it!

Happy Birthday Jordan!

well see when i wrote this (yesterday b4 study group with my bffls haha I don't actually talk like that [in acronyms] but that's beside the point) i sooooooo knew where Clay was gonna take Hannah but now i kinda forgot so if any of u hav an idea or suggestion bout where they should go plz review or PM me!

If your wondering why Clay's name is AAClay it's so that he's the first person on Hannah's contact list. You know alaphabet and stuff...

I LOVE REVIEWS!

So plz do so it'll make me happy and it'll make me wanna write so yeah u get the picture!

~me


	8. Tell Me

**Disclaimer: I do not own Clay or Hannah or 13 reasons why.**

* * *

~~~Chapter 8~~~

Hannah POV

~2 minutes later~

"Tell me!!!!!"

"No, Hannah it's a_ surprise!!!"_

"So?"

"No."

"But-"

"We're almost there..."

"Yeah but I like to know where I'm going...who knows maybe I've been there before."

"Oh trust me you haven't....I think I'm the only one that knows this place."

"Huh? Really?"

"I think..."

"So....where is this place?"

"It's- hey! No. I'm not telling you!"

"Darn...so close." I held up my fingers, on the hand Clay wasn't holding, to show how close I was. He laughed and so I joined in.

"Thanks." I said softly. He looked confused.

"For what?" he asked furrowing his brows.

"Teaching me to laugh." I said my face heating up. He rose a brow but then he just hugged me. I was a little taken of guard but I hugged him anyway. He kissed the top of my head and whispered.

"Your welcome."

My face was bright as he took my hand again and began walking. We walked for about 5 more minutes before I was able to see a familiar place in the distance.

"The park?" I asked looking up at him.

He shook his head. "Naw…well if you think about it yeah we are…"

I nodded. I didn't mind going to the park again but he made it out to seem like it was something crazy thing. We got to the park but Clay kept walking. I stopped he removed his arm from it's place around my shoulders and turned to me.

"Hannah? You okay?" he asked.

"I thought we were staying at the park…" I said.

He laughed softly. "No were just walking through it…c'mon I wanna show you this place."

He stretched out his arm to me. I took his hand and he led me through the trees.

"Huh? I didn't think there was anything past here except maybe more trees." Clay shrugged.

"So did I…but I always wondered…now I'm glad that I looked." I stayed silent.

How many times had I wondered something but left it be? Not risked the chance to see what could happen? How many times have I been to worried to take a risk? To talk to someone? To make a friend? I stopped walking and I kept my head down to hide my tears and my face. My hair concealed me from view like a curtain. If I had tried to make a friend just once…maybe I would have never gotten to this point maybe-

"Hannah?" Clay asked concerned.

I turned away and prepared to run back through these dense trees to my house. I didn't care if I got lost I just wanted to get away. But Clay grabbed my hand and turned me to him. His brown eyes widened slightly at my tear stained face but then he smiled. His eyes filled with concern and understanding and his warm genuine smile made my heart flutter and my fears and anxieties disappear.

"Hannah, calm down…it's okay...c'mon I really want to show you something." I nodded. I was embarrassed. Ugh I can't believe I just did that! Why'd I have to break down like that in front of him! He probably thinks I'm some emotional freak. I want to hide under a rock and never come out! The only thing keeping me from doing that was Clay's gentle hold on my hand and the memory of his warm smile and understanding eyes. I guess I got too caught up in my thoughts because I didn't even realize that the dense trees that had been surrounding us were gone. I looked up from the ground and gasped.

"Here we are." he said.

I looked up at him. He was smiling, his eyes looking around the place he brought me to. I turned my eyes and looked around. My mouth opened to say something and all that came out was:

"Wow..."

* * *

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! OMD (oh my deidara :3) Two months!?

I'm sooooo sorry that I haven't updated this story in forever!!!!

I blame writer's block.

Eep I'm so Sorry!!! I just couldn't think of what should happen...

Hehehe I still haven't exactly decided what this place is gonna be but I swear it won't take another two moths to write.

One week at the most....

Well thank-you for all those wonderful reviews for ch. 7!

Well anyway I hope you enjoyed this chappie!!! :3

Review Please!!!!! :):):):)

The more reviews the faster I write! :D


	9. The Clearing

**Disclaimer: I do not own 13 reasons why...Jay Asher does.**

* * *

~Chapter 10~

Hannah POV

"Wow…" I whispered in awe. The trees separated into a clearing. The grass was pretty green, almost perfect but not quite…There were some large rocks around, spotted with bright green moss. Small flowers grew in patches of lavender, yellow, and white. Bees hovered over the flowers then flew up toward the sky. I had never seen a clearing so beautiful before. Clay looked at me and smirked.

"I like to come here to think…" he said, his dark brown eyes set toward the sky. He sat down suddenly. I arched a brow. He grinned up at me, squinting slightly from the sunlight.

"Come on Hannah." he said. I hesitantly sat down on the cool grass. I turned to him silently asking 'what now?'

"Question time." he said.

"We've done that before." I stated. He smirked and played with a piece of grass.

"So?" he said. He looked up from the grass and stared at me. "I what to know more about you Hannah." he said. I blinked.

"Why?" I asked, wondering why he would want to know something about me. I'm not interesting at all.

"Cuz…I feel like I don't know enough about you…" he began. "And I still don't get it…" he finished, his gaze back on the grass. I thought his words over.

"Clay we-"

"I know. But you never really, in detail, explained it…" he cut me off.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"What happened to make you think that way." he said.

"You use it like a past tense." I mumbled. I pressed a hand to my mouth. I did not mean to say that.

"Isn't it?" he asked. I looked down, suddenly very interested in the colors of the grass.

"Hannah?" Clay asked. I didn't even realize I was crying until Clay's hand brushed my cheek. Had I cried that much to not know when I was crying anymore?

"You can't leave me…" Clay said. My eyes widened and I gripped the grass. More tears flowed down my face. I couldn't let myself do this. I had to be strong, for Clay at least. Suddenly arms wrapped around my shoulders. I blinked the tears out of my eyes and threw myself at Clay.

"Thank-you thank-you thank-you!" I cried.

~many hours later~

Clay and I arrived at my front door. I awkwardly began to take off the jacket he had lent me but he stopped me.

"It's all right…" he said. I smiled lightly.

"Thanks." I said. He began to say 'You're Welcome.' But I cut him off. "For everything. For lending me the jacket, for dinner, for comforting me when I broke down…everything." I said. He blinked then smiled warmly.

"No problem, Hannah. Really." he said. I nodded and hugged him.

"Night." I whispered. I walked into my house. I began to walk up the stairs when…

"Hannah Baker! (a/n: does she have a middle name?)" my mother called, sternly. I made a noise that sounded like a squeak.

"Y-yes?" I replied. Suddenly my mother was at the foot of the stairs.

"Where were you?" she asked.

"I was out. I told you that I was going to-"

"Yes but you did not mention you would be out this late!" she scolded. I nodded.

"I'm sor-"

"Do you know how worried I was!" she yelled.

"Mom I-" I was about to tell her that I had my phone with me the whole time but, come to think of it I ignored a couple calls while with Clay…

"You what!" she asked.

"I'm sorry." I said. She glared at me.

"I swear Hannah you sure know how to make my life a living hell!"

* * *

Dang...that took way longer than needed.

Sorry it took forever I didn't mean for it to happen but school's been getting in the way of writing...

Anyway here's the new chapter!

Hope you liked it! Yeah I know the place Clay took her to was uber cliche but I didn't know what else to do...heh.

So review!

Oh and I have a poll up on my profile! Go check it out and vote please!

By the way wish me luck on my reading tomorrow! (I hate public speaking so much!)

Until next time!

Bye! :D


	10. Thoughts

**Disclaimer: Don't own 13 reasons why...**

Hey, well I've gotten some reviews saying that you don't like Hannah's mom or she scares you or something along those lines...I just wanted to say that I tried to make her like that. Because in the story, Hannah's mom didn't even notice when Hannah chopped off her hair. So I figured...how good of a mom could she be? I don't know...that's just my reason for writing her like that...

Now! On with the story!

* * *

I blinked. Did I hear her correctly? There's no mistake. My eyes welled with tears and I blinked them back.

"Don't start that!" she said, firmly. I swallowed back the lump in my throat and nodded.

"I'm Sorry." I choked.

"Don't apologize. Don't do it again. Understood?" she asked. I nodded again.

"Now get to bed." she reminded me. I turned on my heel and walked up the stairs to my room. My throat was tight and my chest felt numb. I changed into an oversized gray shirt and purple pajama shorts. I through my dirty clothes into a hamper and sat in my bed. I noticed I never turned the lights on. I felt the familiar warm tears slide down my cheeks. I should be used to this. I mean it's better than being ignored right? I lay down on my bed pulling the covers over me, I tugged them up under my chin and closed my eyes. The numbness in my chest was still there. The ache in my throat was present. The cold sheets weren't getting any more comfortable. The darkness was inevitable…and oddly comforting. To stay in the darkness…without the pain of…life resting on me, without the strings of the world attached…if only…that could be…

~next day~

Sunday. I thought. I rolled over in my bed. The window shone with the glow of the moon. Couldn't be past four, I thought to myself. My sleep was one without dreams. I squeezed my eyes shut and stretched, lazily. I propped myself up on my elbows and looked at my door. No light shone from the crack. No one was up, my mother hadn't even gotten a head start on work, like usual, which was weird. I let my elbows give way under me and collapsed on my bed. I pulled the comforter up toward me. Had she really meant what she said? That I was the reason her life was a living hell? Was I? If I was to her…was I an emotional burden to everyone else? Maybe something to look at for some of those perverts…but a troublesome burden to others…to Clay? I mean I did breakdown a lot in front of him. It would be tiring and annoying to any sane person…but he did say he would be there. But maybe he said that without knowing that I was so fragile, now anyway. I covered my face with my arm and mumbled.

"I shouldn't be here." I was just a useless, hopeless, emotional, troublesome burden. Nothing special. No one. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter behind the shield of my forearm. The darkness was so comforting. I laughed. It wasn't a normal laugh. It had a kind of morbid tone to it. I was _too _far gone. I wondered could Clay save me? Because there's no way I can save myself now. No not now…

* * *

So how was it?

Good? Bad? Okay?

Review!

Oh and sorry for the shortness of the chapter and for the grammar mistakes.

~nerdyvampgrl97


	11. Too Scared

**Still don't own 13 reasons why. :(**

* * *

~Chapter 12~

Hannah POV

I wake up, the second time, and glance at my clock. It was 7. I didn't sleep much, but I'm used to it. I'm used to getting little or no sleep. My mind is so restless, I think as I change from my purple pajama shorts to a pair of light blue jeans. I don't bother changing my shirt, I'm not planning on going anywhere. I walk down stairs and grab a bagel and cream cheese. I sit down and begin to eat quietly. No one else is awake yet. I pop the last piece of bagel into my mouth and clean up. That's when my mom comes downstairs. She says nothing, it almost seems like she doesn't see me. The only acknowledgement of my being there was when she tiredly glanced at me.

"Get me my mug." she asked. I obey and hand it to her without a word. She doesn't even give a thank-you. I walk to the living room and sit cross legged on the couch. I turn on the TV, it's the news. They discuss the suicide of a man. How ironic. I think. Maybe they'll do that for me…no, they won't care enough to. I mean why? But how should I do it? I could ha-my eyes widen at the thoughts circling my mind. I bite the inside of my lip and look down at my lap, tears well in my eyes.

"-He was 20 years old at the time this happened. Police are investigating the scene. In other news, there was a murder of a family-" the news man drones. God, news was so depressing. I hear my mom's footsteps approach and hurriedly wipe my eyes. She sits on the other side of the sofa and casually drinks her coffee. I should ask her. I should ask if she meant what she said. She couldn't have meant it. She was…she was probably just caught up in the situation. Yeah, that's it. But…-I glance over at my mom- but…I can't bring myself to ask. I bring my knees up to my face and rest my chin on my knees. Be brave, Hannah.

"Mom." I say softly. She makes no movement.

"Mom." I repeat, a little louder this time. She glances at me then returns her eyes to the television screen.

"What is it, Hannah?" she asks, slightly irritated.

"Did you mean it?" I practically whisper.

"Mean what?" she asks.

"Mean what you said yesterday." I say.

"What are you talking about?" she asks, frustrated.

"Did you mean it when you said…that…I make your life a living hell?" I ask.

"Yes." she responds. My heart clenches.

"R-Really?" I ask leaning my chin into my knees, more forcefully.

"Yes, Hannah you've been either out or inside all day and it's frustrating. I don't understand you anymore!" she says looking at me.

"Like you ever did in the first place." I mumble. Her eyes widen.

"What is with you!" she yells. My head snaps up and I glare at her.

"WHAT'S UP WITH YOU! YOU WORK SO MUCH YOU FORGET I'M EVEN HERE!" I yell. She frowns.

"That's not true Hannah and you know it." she says sternly.

"The hell I do." I yell.

"Don't use that language." she snaps.

"I'll talk however I want." I say.

"Don't use that tone of voice." she says. I stand up.

"Why are you so damn insensitive!" I yell.

"Hannah, I'm not being insensitive you're being unreasonable!" she yells back.

"How am I being _unreasonable_ you're the one that said I make your life a _living hell!"_

"Well look how you're behaving now!" she says, gesturing to me.

"God, I'd be better off…ugh." I say spinning on my heel and storming up the stairs. I lock the door behind me and slid down the door. I sit like that for a while. Numb. I don't cry. I'm not sure I can anymore. My cell phone rings after what seems to be an hour of pure silence.

"H-Hello?" I answer softly.

"Hey Hannah…uh, you alright?" Clay asks. His voice usually brought comfort yet…now I don't get that warm feeling. I get a desperate anxiety. I don't want to deal with the troubles of life anymore. "Hannah?" Clay asks. It would be so easy…so easy just to end it. I could hang…no…I couldn't do that to my parents. There's that highway…I could make it seem like a- "Hannah?" Clay asks, loudly.

"Huh? Oh…sorry…um Clay I can't talk now. See you tomorrow bye." I say quickly. I hang up and lean my head on the cool doorway.

It's so easy…Clay's the only thing holding me back. I take a breath and try to calm myself. It would make mom's life better…people would stop worrying…Clay could get a girl without any issues, he's better off without me. Stop Hannah, I think. My mind is everywhere. I'm so confused. I don't know anymore. I just don't know. Fresh tears fall down my cheeks as I stare up at the ceiling. Heh, I can still cry after all. There's no sobbing though, no quick breaths. I don't make a sound. I want it to be over. I want this drama to be gone. I want it all to be easy again. I want to get away. Yet, I'm too scared to leave…I'm doomed if I stay.

God, Life's so damn troublesome...

* * *

Okay first things first. The last line: I'm too scared to leave...I'm doomed if I stay, is from a poem on deviantart by: **WeirdZeek**

If you want the link to the poem just ask. I really liked the poem and I thought it fit the story, plus I had no idea what to write.

Anyway, I'm really sorry I haven't written much of anything lately. But thanks for being so patient. :)

Hope you enjoyed the chapter! I think it's one of the longest I've written, for this story anyhow...

For anyone reading my other story I'd Lie, I'm so sorry, but I totally lost interest in Twilight and my writing style has much improved and changed from when I began that story almost two years ago. I'm trying to get back into the story...but I just can't right now. I apologize.

As always. Reviews are MUCH appreciated!

**Review!Review!Review!Review!Review!Review!Review!Review!Review!Review!Review!Review!Review!Review!Review!Review!ReviewReview!Review!Review!Review!Review!-**you get my point?


End file.
